


help i'm alive

by v1ewmonster



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bittersweet, Blood and Injury, Friendship, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Phone Calls & Telephones, Possible Character Death, Reunions, Self-Esteem Issues, Spoilers, Stream of Consciousness, Swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:53:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26195926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/v1ewmonster/pseuds/v1ewmonster
Summary: In which Gon calls Kurapika during an important mission.
Relationships: Gon Freecs & Kurapika, Gon Freecs & Kurapika & Leorio Paladiknight & Killua Zoldyck
Comments: 9
Kudos: 33





	help i'm alive

The gash in the wound hurt way more than Kurapika anticipated. He holds an unarmed hand up to the wound, staining it with fresh blood. His scarlet eyes burn brighter than anything in the room upon examination. It’s critical, something Kurapika didn’t expect. 

His back lies against a frigid wall. The bloody gash doesn’t seem like it’ll get better anytime soon, but what else is Kurapika supposed to do? He’s in the middle of a mission with no hospital in sight! And _of course_ he didn’t go with everyone else and insisted on his own route. It really showed how little he’d changed over the past two years.

He sighs and slumps down on the floor surrounding him. All that’s left to do is bleed out. It’s not… quite a bad fate. Getting killed by his worst enemy would be _way_ worse. If it isn’t _that,_ then—

The sound of his phone ringing startles Kurapika out of his thoughts. He quickly slips it out of his pocket, and, seeing that it’s Gon calling him, his pupils dilate. What could he _possibly_ want to contact him for, after _everything_ he’s done? It wouldn’t be wise to call him back right now, in his condition. 

Except he does it _now,_ and without hesitation. He can’t just leave his friend hanging. He felt bad enough having left Leorio to worry so many times. And it certainly wasn’t without shame. 

“Hello?” Kurapika’s voice comes off as gruff and desperate. 

It doesn’t take long for Gon to respond with a “Kurapika!”

A warm feeling squeezes Kurapika’s heart. So he still cherishes him as a friend. It’s a wonder that he’s still alive. Leorio emphasized that he was in critical condition, but now? He seems to have gotten back on his feet in no time! It’s relieving to figure out, but that gives Kurapika all the more reason to confront what he’s been repressing. 

“Hello, Gon,” Kurapika says gently. “How have you-”

“Kurapika!” Gon cuts him off. “I’m so happy to be talking to you right now! I haven’t heard from you in so long!!”

That brings up a question. _How_ did Gon get his number? He didn’t ask Leorio, did he? He’s going to have to ask before this conversation persists. 

“Hey, uhh,” Kurapika chokes out. “Do you, perhaps, know how you got my number?” 

“Oh!” Gon says. “Killua got it for me! He must’ve gotten it from Leorio… yeah, he did!!” 

_Killua…_ He laughs hoarsely. Figures Leorio would give _someone_ his number! 

“Kurapika…?” Gon asks. 

“Shit,” Kurapika mutters. “Sorry… what is it?”

Kurapika can sense the buoyant energy Gon excudes. “I’m just glad you’re okay… You weren’t answering Leorio’s calls and it got me kinda worried.” 

“I’m sorry about that,” Kurapika says, facing the ground. “I was rather busy that day.”

“Are you still busy?” 

Kurapika looks at his hand caked with his own blood. “Not necessarily.”

“That’s good!” Gon says. He’s probably smiling, too. “But really… I missed you so much, Kurapika…”

“Oh, really?” _After all I’ve done to you?_

He can’t bring it in himself to say what needs to be said. He can hardly be upfront with Gon when he’s so busy _gushing_ about him. It kind of makes him sick, hearing Gon express all these falsehoods regarding him. 

“Yeah!!” Gon says once Kurapika forces himself to live in reality. 

Kurapika gulps down the phlegm that’s been dying to get out for so long. “But… I didn’t visit you in the hospital… how could you _possibly_ call me your friend, after doing something so unforgivable?” 

“What are you talking about?” Gon seems… confused. “I was sleeping, it’s not like I would’ve know if you we—”

“That doesn’t matter when I didn’t even think to check in on you!” Kurapika snaps. “And now… I can’t help but feel that I’m a bad friend, no matter what you think.” He holds in a cough. “There’s nothing you can do. I _must_ deserve it.” 

“But you’re _not_ a bad friend!” Gon sounds serious. “Kurapika…” 

Kurapika clenches the phone tight in his hand. It’s slippery with sweat, but he could care less. “Forget it… I’m sorry. You don’t need to forgive me, but unders-” 

“I _do_ forgive you!!” Gon says. “You have your own goals, you shouldn’t hafta feel obligated to worry about me.”

“But that isn’t how a friend is supposed to act…”

“I don’t care, you’re still my friend! And friends make mistakes!!” 

Gon’s statement elicits a smile out of Kurapika, and for all the wrong reasons. There’s nothing he can do to convince Gon that he’s a bad person. Maybe he should keep it that way. Gon seems to look up to him as a role model of sorts, but it’s hard to understand _why._ All of his hasty decisions led him _here_ to his potential deathbed! 

“You know,” Gon continues. “I tried to get revenge too… I thought it would make me feel better about Kite’s death. 

“I presume it didn’t?”

“Uh-huh,” Gon says with a hint of sorrow in his tone. “I made a lot of bad decisions. I even lashed out at Killua… I’m surprised he doesn’t hate me after all that’s happened. So please,” His voice crackles, “don’t go for revenge anymore, Kurapika…”

_It’s too late,_ A voice muses from inside his mind. And they’re right. _It’s too late to do anything now…_

He should have listened to his colleagues, all those years ago. About what they said concerning revenge. It wasn’t worth it, Kurapika _knows_ this. And now, it’s carried him to nowhere but the grave. He coughs violently, watching a copious amount of blood land onto his hand. 

“I’ve… got to get going,” Kurapika says finally, “but it’s nice to hear you’re doing well.”

“Oh yeah! We’ve been on the phone for a while now…” Gon responds. “Aunt Mito is prolly calling me to help with something. Can we call again sometime?”

Kurapika stays silent. He mustn’t make a promise he can’t keep. If he does, he knows _for sure_ that he’s failed as a friend, even in his final moments. 

“Kurapika?”

“I’m not sure,” Kurapika rasps. He coughs once more. “Goodbye, Gon.”

He hangs up the phone without another word. He doesn’t want to _listen_ to his friend’s voice any longer without feeling the need to vomit. There’s nothing else left to do. So he sits there in the comforting silence, waiting for sleep to take him by the handle. 

The blood that flows through his body each day slowly drains out of him. His hand feels cold to the touch, yet gentle as freshly washed clothing. He feels bad for not contacting Killua, but he wouldn’t want to betray _another_ friend. Same goes for Melody...

Kurapika’s vision becomes blurry, his eyes puffy with sleep. That must mean Death has come to take him away. And he accepts the invitation, allowing his eyes to close, but not before he sees a shady figure make its way into view. 

“Well, aren’t you the reckless type,” The figure says, and that’s when Kurapika’s surroundings fade to black. 

**Author's Note:**

> gon and kurapika's dynamic means so much to me, so i rlly hope i did them justice with this fic. this is my first time writing gon too so go easy on me fhdjfhj
> 
> as always, comments are appreciated!!


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